For the first time in years, I start the New Year with hope and peace. I have been in church all my life, active at every level. For years, though, I was living in pain attending church. I was so hurt that I became closed, hardened and just wanted to give up. I stopped going to church about a year. I would listen to ministers on the internet or watch a Christian program, but I separated myself from the "organization" of church.

I knew in my heart that not being apart of local church was not healthy and more importantly not something that I should be doing with my children. At the beginning of 2008, I started a prayer journal. One thing that I put on my list of goals for 2008 was to find a church home. In February of 2008 I had my third child, and I knew that the most important thing for her life was to be raised as a Christian. In April, my family attended Olde Towne for the first time. What a difference this church has made.

At Olde Towne, we were welcomed and celebrated before we could get out of the car. The people were loving in a way that I had never experienced. The services are so God-centered and worshipful that I have began to let go of my fears and hurt. I learn something at each service and I constantly let go and grow in the things of God. At Olde Towne, I feel safe.

One of the greatest things that has happened over the past year is that I attended the 12-week Becoming Like Christ class. It forever changed my life. My bible reading and studying increased, my prayer life changed and matured and I bonded with the people in my class on a level of openness that freed me from being people centered and not Christ centered. I look in the mirror of the Word and I am changing into something that I love seeing in a glass mirror.

Olde Towne has restored my life in Christ by freeing me from religion and laying the pathway back to the relationship I had with God when I was first born again. I live daily in Christ, filled with peace, hope and a knowing that it is well with my soul.

CP
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Trusting God in the Darkness

Around January 2008, darkness came upon me. I became bitter, angry, impatient, sad, tired, and lacked compassion for anything. Tiredness and anxiety grew worse and worse each day. Pressure was building up and relief was no where in sight.

After speaking to the doctor, I was prescribed medication for depression and general anxiety disorder. Fortunately the anxiety went away, but the depression grew worse. I grew more tired and there would be time that I would stay in bed all day. My days turned into nights and nights into days. I felt useless and had no hope. I was drowning. I hated myself and hated myself for hating myself. I wanted to curl up in a ball and sit in a corner away from everything. I wanted to disappear. I even wanted to die. I know it sounds drastic but I wanted a way out, a relief.

Around March I started coming to Olde Towne Community Church. With my depression full flame I pretty much kept to myself. Deep down inside I knew this church had it together. You could sense it in the worship, sermons, and friendliness of its people. I began attending somewhat regularly, seeking and yearning for God’s help.

Even though I felt like God was a million miles away, it was at this point I realized that I had to let go. I was drowning and I couldn’t save myself. What was happening to me was beyond myself. God needed to be in control.

I need to give God the honor and praise He deserves. God has delivered me form this dark moment in life. The sun has finally come and dried up all the rain!

You want to know what is best about this dark time in my life. God has strengthened me through this time of trial. I have developed perseverance. As I look over my journal entries, notes from pastor’s sermons, and dialogue with Pastor and Ms Sissie, I can see how God was with me the entire time. He never let go of me. He was right there by my side loving me, cultivating me, pruning me, molding me, helping me to become strong and manageable and making me grow in one direction.

You see, I had to let go and let God. When I felt like giving up with no end in sight, I had to put my trust in Him to keep my head above water.

Since then I have given many things to God. Only through trusting Him have I been able to do things which are completely out of my comfort zone. I have realized that there is no growth in the comfort zone. You see when we are in the comfort zone things are fine and dandy and we don’t need God. It is when we step out of the comfort zone that we truly rely on God.

I won’t ever realize the full impact of this seven month darkness but I do know that God is faithful. He loves you even when you don’t love yourself. He never lets you go. I am no where close to being where I need to be spiritually. I am a work in progress. Each and everyday I have to make a conscious decision to Let Go and Let God!

Thank you Olde Towne for helping to restore my hope!

JP